As we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have known it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the smart inclusion of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.
Astrophysicist and space technology consultant with 15 years of experience in lunar mission planning and research.
